I almost believed the hype

Against my better judgement I decided to try and save us some money by getting our phone service through Charter Cable and not through the company formerly known as Sprint. I called the Evil Ones at Charter and they said that they'd give me phone service, internet service, and digital cable for what I'm paying for internet and digital cable now. Basically that meant we'd be getting free phone service for a year. Reluctantly I agreed, although I sensed that there'd be trouble.

So this morning the guy comes to install our phone service and he asks which phone we want it on. I was somewhat taken aback by his question and I answered that I wanted it on all our phones, we've got two downstairs and two upstairs. He said that their service didn't work that way and that it ran through a modem like my internet does. He said whichever phone we wanted it on had to be near a cable outlet so that he could hook up a modem to said phone. I then informed him that if he could not give us the same service we have with the phone company then I did not want their shitty internet based phone service. He sputtered and said he would try to install a splitter that would enable us to use all our phones, then he quickly added that maybe he could do that.

The next thing I know he's rolling around on the floor and unhooking wires and cable connections and he's grunting and asking me to unplug stuff. Then he crawls under my desk, the same desk at which I am sitting and typing this now and the same desk I was at when he was working here, and he starts to unhook and re-hook up cable connections and power cords. For some unholy reason I looked down at the large cable man who was writhing under my desk and I saw, you guessed it, his hairy ass crack
He wasn't quite as fat at this dude but he was big. And his ass crack was big as well. I decided to sneak a photo of it but the picture I took came out blurry. It was all I could do to keep my morning oatmeal down when I saw his moon come out early.

In pretty short order he figured out that his splitter idea wasn't going to work and that Charter Cable could not give me what I wanted, which was the same level of phone service I was getting from Sprint. I told him to just pack up all his stuff and leave and that I had no intention of getting the shitty phone package that Charter Cable is offering. So once more he hit the deck to unplug all his wires and cables and once again I saw the his gruesome backside smile. This time I just got up and left the room.

The bottom, pun intended, line of this story is don't fall for the ads the cable companies are running. Their phone service sucks balls and it's not anything near as good as what you're getting now.

Once again you've let me down Charter Cable, is there no end to your suckiness?