Tidbits

Get Ready !

I doubt that I ever will know the answers to the many questions I have about my life and I think it is about time for me to open a new chapter and slam the door closed tightly to all the psychological pain and emotional trauma from my children and subsequent family throughout my lifetime.  By now, with the many years of working diligently with professional help to "fix myself"  it is very clear to me that I am doing nothing more than "chasing my own tail".  With history of horrible events like holding someone down on the floor with hands around their neck, throwing computers against the wall, punching holes in walls, "serving time" for physical abuse,  spreading hurtful untruths, temper tantrums, terminating promised college financial assistance during semester because someone is mad and never again help financially, lack of concern for others, no willingness to change any behavior, secrets and periodic total alienation - - - Why would I be part of this?   And, the most recent hurtful event took me totally "off guard".

THIS IS TOTALLY NUTS!    Why would anyone want to be a part of this circus ? ? ?     Especially, at my age.     Remember 1992 - - - Why can't we all just get along?

 Let's Get Happy !  It has been two weeks since my appointment with the Orthopedist.  After that time, I have all kinds of treatment opinions and for several days I pondered what my approach to the disabling pain would be.  With many options now available to me like many medications, acupuncture, extensive physical therapy to name a few, my approach is to start only one option at a time so I will know what my body is responding to.   Many hours have been spent in deep thought with focus on the interaction of mind, body and spirit in healing and staying healthy.  I eventually decided to start with narcotic pain medication.  Living alone presents an additional challenge with utilizing chemicals especially since I have a high sensitivity.  So, starting with very tiny portion of the medication and paying close attention to my bodies reaction I have been able to slowly determine what my body can safely utilize and receive some pain relief.  There has been only one time that I have been concerned about the medication and how I was feeling.  The best way I can explain it is that I felt "like I was losing myself".  It was frightening but that was only one time.

It is my intention to utilize every possible approach that may help me.   What I am about to say is something that I can hardly imagine. After having severe burning pain from left hip to ankle since the end of October, I have not had any leg pain for over a week.   Of course there are periods of intense buttock/low back pain but nothing like the horrible leg pain.   I really feel speechless.  My next activity is to schedule some physical therapy.  Prior to this, I did not know how I could manage to get to my appointments regularly. 

 BABY STEPS ! 

I try to constantly be aware in my brain of MIND-BODY-SPIRIT and the tentacles of available positive thoughts that go with each entity.  Obviously, there isn't much room (in my brain) for thoughts of life's displeasure when there is so much JOY that I can attribute to MIND-BODY-SPIRIT working together!

Given my personality, it is not easy for me to not question how all this is happening.  But, I must find strength to resist my exploring curiosity.

ONWARD AND FORWARD.

To be continued - Thank you.

Mary