That Can't Be Me

siride August 30, 2022

I saw a picture of myself the other day.

I saw a cancer survivor.

I saw fear.

I saw exhaustion.

I saw sadness.

I saw wrinkles.

I did not like what I was seeing.

I didn't see anything in this picture that I see in the mirror.

I've been telling young females, for months now, to love themselves just as they are while trying to love myself just a little in order to survive.

They say "What you see in the young you are reaching out to yourself."

They say "As you give out to others it will be given unto you."

Maybe I've been trying to lift my young females up, because I've needed lifting.

I told a complete stranger recently, "I don't, nor did I ever, have cancer, but I was diagnosed with it." She looked shocked and bewildered. I wanted to tell her not to own it, but I can not tell her what to do with it just like no one can tell me, even those closest to me, what to do with the diagnosis, my healing or fight against it.

What we own are our selves.

What we own are our bodies.

What we own is our self-esteem.

What we own are our flaws.